I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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