Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
