im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
