I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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