She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
