I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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