At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
