they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
