I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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