apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
