I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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