dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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