I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
