i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
