Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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