The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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