I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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