I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
