I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
