guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
