Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
