When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ketchup is God's man juice
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
