i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
