There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
