How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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