Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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