Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
