i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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