he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
