Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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