So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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