Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
