I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize