lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
