She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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