I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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