i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
