He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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