I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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