I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You can't motorboat a personality
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
