u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
