i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
