i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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