Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
