guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
