He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
