So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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