I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
