Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
