Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
