Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
