Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
