Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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