All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
