we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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