repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
