my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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