he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
