I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize