I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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