Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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