the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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