McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
bring money and cleavage
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
