dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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