I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
