the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
