one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize