I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
