This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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