at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
