he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
