I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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