then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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