i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
