Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I could fuck to npr.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
