I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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