Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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