So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
