The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
