Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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