I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
