so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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