like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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