It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
