My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
