I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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