Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
