new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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