her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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