We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
