I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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