R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
