Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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