I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
