Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got inside last night via doggy door
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
