I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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