I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
