I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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