I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize