All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
